Don't Tell Me 'Cause It Hurts

I've been wondering how much to say on here about what's going on with me at the moment. I hinted previously about having the weekend from hell, and those of you who follow me on Twitter may have already guessed.

Ronan and I have been together for a little over two years. For the last year, since we both graduated, we've been long-distance while we work in different places. The intention, for me at least, was that once we both had a foot in the door of our respective industries of choice, we'd try and move somewhere we could both work, so we could be together.

On Sunday, Ronan decided this was no longer what he wanted. He feels the distance has become too much and is making him feel disconnected from me.

Last night, we spoke on the phone, trying to make some sense of what's happening. We talked for over an hour and a half. He's requested more time to think.

Right now, I'm existing in this horrible limbo state, unable to speak to him until he's come to a decision. I think it goes without saying that I don't want to split up. For me, this relationship has been for the long-haul. Being apart has been hard, but I always thought it'd be worth it in the end. His doubts are absolutely killing me, but all I can do now is wait and hope. I'm certain there's more we can do to make this work, and I just hope he comes to feel the same. The way I see it, with more contact, more effort to make visits, that connection we've always shared won't feel like it's slipping away.

I won't be posting about all of this horribleness, I just wanted to get some of this out, to make it clear why things on the blog are likely to be quiet for a bit, why my posts will most likely change for a while. I can't begin to express how painful it is trying to cling to a relationship that's crumbling around you. All I want is to soothe the pain he's feeling, and even though he's the one hurting me, I want him because I'm hurting.

Sorry for the mope-fest. My head is in a crap place at the moment, and I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that my time with someone I love intensely is most likely over. Thanks for your patience and understanding with the inevitable slip in posting.